Why Women Are Not Attracted To Nice Guys

Understanding why being a nice guy is the most counter-productive thing you can do for your dating life as well as your results with women is probably the single one thing that will save you tons of time. We are talking about years of progress.

We have coached men around the world who wasted years, maybe more than a decade, believing that being "nice" was the way to a woman's heart and body. And these were not only men in their youth who just graduated from high school. These were grown-up men with careers and businesses in their mid-thirties as well.

However, the ugly truth of the matter is that the currency of attraction in a man-to-woman interaction is not "niceness". It's eroticism. Being nice maybe works in other fields of social life. With your friends, with your business partners, with your parents, or your fellow humans for that matter. But with women you need to learn how to speak a different language. Think of it like trying to be understood by a Chinese person speaking French. Different human relationships require different codes of communication.

Nice guys mistakenly think that the code of social communication their mother taught them when they were five somehow applies to their entire adult lives; that being "good" , "polite", and "reliable" are the keys to being successful in dating just like they should be the keys for everything else.

For these men, niceness has long been considered a universal cheat sheet. A sort of guide for the game of life in its entirety. But life is not one single game. Life consists of many different games each one having its own distinct rules.

The erotic game is another beast altogether, and the mistake nice guys do is thinking that they can win at it by following the rules of other games in life, be it the professional, the social, the human or the friendly one.

Men usually start understanding that something is wrong with this line of thinking a little too late. It happens after years of frustration or bad results with women. There are also men who don't manage to come to the other side of understanding how the man-to-woman game works and they choose to become angry about it. Instead of changing their mind and their ways they just choose bitterness and passivity.

3 Reasons Why Being Nice Doesn't Get You Girls

1. Women Perceive Niceness As A Sign of Weakness

If you are that good of a catch why are you so nice to her? Girls think like that even if they don't express it verbally. It's a subconscious suspiciousness towards men who are too nice with them. They think that something is missing - and rightfully so. Strong, attractive men don't advertize their niceness, but their confidence and charisma. If you, instead, promote niceness, there must be something wrong with you, she thinks. It must mean that niceness is ALL you've got to offer to a girl. Either your personality is not masculine enough or maybe you don't have many options with women, so niceness is the only way for you to cajole her into having sex with you.

2. It's Too Basic

Most men have this weird fantasy that doing nothing or doing the bare minimum can bring them huge sexual abundance. This mismatch between little effort and huge results is the quintessential narrative underpinning every porn scene ever created. The guy does nothing or close to nothing, yet he ends up nailing a gorgeous woman who practically throws herself to him. Being nice to women and expecting to get laid because of it is of the same school of thought.

It's like saying that every man with hands and legs deserves to get laid. It's far too elementary to get you the desired result, and women are not charmed by elementary things. Women are charmed by particularities, by slight aberrations, by things, situations or people that are a little out of the ordinary. Women are not attracted just by the basics.

Niceness doesn't allow you to stick out as a man, and girls don't have sex with guys who don't stick out. You don't need to overdo it with sticking out. It might be boldness, unusual directness, exceptional verbal skills, strong eye contact or a great sense of humor with a sarcastic twist that draws a woman to a man, but in any case it can't just be "niceness".

3. Niceness Doesn't Let Women Invest In Men

Women are attracted to men who allow them to play their own role of seeking relationships and strong emotional bonds. They aren't attracted to men who do all the work for the sake of both parties. Nice guys do exactly that: with their nice behavior and gestures they end up doing all the work in advance for women without them deserving it yet. A nice guy is a guy who bombards girls with his "niceness", not letting them play their own role.

Naturally, the woman then thinks "I have nothing to do for him, I already got him", so nice guys present no challenge for her. Being nice as a man is like giving women free things in advance without knowing if they really want them or deserve them. Women don't appreciate this. They want to be able to invest in a man, and the nice guy simply doesn't allow them to.

Two Disclaimers About Not Being Nice

A. Not being nice doesn't mean you aren't polite or well-mannered. It just means that "niceness" is not your basic tool for attracting women.

B. Girls don't hate nice guys. They LIKE nice guys and they even want to keep them around for various uses. They just don't have sex with them! Have you been a nice guy towards women, but you saw nothing good coming out of it? Do you want to speed up your results with beautiful women, so that you can get the dating life that you want? Don't waste time. Book a coaching call with us.