What Is Neediness And How To Stop Being Needy
Detecting and eliminating neediness from one’s repertoire is maybe the closest thing to a superpower a man can have in his dating life. If we had only ONE thing to teach you that would make any difference in your relationships with women, that would be it: how to stop being needy.
Easier said than done, we get it, especially for men who are beginners in approaching and attracting girls. No matter how hard it must be for you to admit you suffer from it, no matter how hard it is to adopt a non-needy attitude when you interact with women, you MUST do it unless you want to condemn yourself to a dating desert.
So, what is really neediness and how to stop being needy?
What Is Neediness
You can’t see it, but it’s there. You can’t touch it, but you can feel it. Especially women are particularly sensitive to both seeing it AND feeling it.
In fact, women are designed by nature to detect it from miles away. They have to, otherwise they risk finding a weak male and in turn bring weak children into the world. When a man is needy, he just oozes needy energy, and girls react to it in one and only one way: they abandon ship!
Neediness is not just a passing feeling. It’s not something momentary. It’s a lasting state of mind. It’s not one thing, but an entire set of behaviors that penetrates the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you think, and act around women. Even girls who can feel it and who have felt it a lot in their lives, they couldn’t put it in words.
Yet, it is extremely appalling to them: a mix of wanting something too much and the fear of not getting it or having it, but fearing of losing it.
Neediness, therefore, is an extreme version of a scarcity mentality, the exact opposite of abundance mindset, built on good, old-fashioned fear.
Fear of not being enough
Fear of not getting something you want
Fear of losing something just after you got it
Fear of something not lasting as much as you would wish
Fear of losing face, being revealed as an imposter or inadequate
Basically, fear of losing control of a specific situation with a specific girl.
The way it comes across to a girl is that you want her too much and that you care too much about the end result with her. You give the impression that you are too inflexible to deal with a range of different results with her; instead, you come off as narrowly focused on the one thing you have in mind to do with her: take her number, go out with her on a date, have sex with her, or keep seeing her after sex.
Anything else happening outside what YOU “planned” in your mind to do with her scares the hell out of you, so becoming needy and desperate in front of her seems like a good idea to your needy self! However, it is this very behavior of yours that makes you too much outcome dependent and makes her run.
Why Men Become Needy
Is this something you have in your DNA or is it acquired? Are some men born with neediness as a natural part of their genetic setup or do they learn to be needy as a result of a certain environment? Nature or nurture?
For every man it's different, and we can't give a one-size-fits-all answer, but it's valid for one to say that it's usually a mix of both. However, you don't need to get a definite answer to this question in order to cure neediness.
Even if it comes so natural to some men to act needy, in the long run it shouldn't matter because you are a human, not an ape, and humans, contrary to apes, can proactively change their behaviors and shape themselves any way they please.
Let's also consider the opposite case: even if you are born as totally non-needy man, society and its dominant culture will bombard you with various stimuli that justify neediness, and this is one big reason why men can spend a big part of their lives acting needy around girls.
In order to change something, you first need to recognize it as a problem. But if society and popular culture camouflages neediness as “romanticism”, you have zero motive to change your behavior because you don't even consider it a vice. You consider it a virtue!
From the time you are a child until your early adulthood, popular culture through movies and music tell you one single story:
A man who chases an unwilling woman by doing various big gestures for her.
The woman isn't attracted to him and keeps being uninterested.
The guy can't help himself, he just keeps chasing her, sending flowers, appearing at her work uninvited, sending her gifts for her birthday or calling her multiple times for a prolonged period of time
The woman SOMEHOW sees the light that, yes, this is the ONE and she is CONVINCED to be his girlfriend/wife
If the average man is indoctrinated by this narrative, how could he ever see the problem? This narrative seems so normal and natural that it delays the diagnosis of the problem for most men. The result? They end up spending years thinking they are "romantic" and that it's only a matter of time before a girl "sees and recognizes" what amazing, good-hearted guys they truly are.
The “when a man loves a woman” culture is what might keep men needy, making them believe and do the wrong things. Things that do not attract women, but actually send them away. Then, these men become angry and bitter and adopt a victim mentality, thinking that it's their destiny to want women who don't want them back. In truth, it is not that women don't want them. It is that women are not attracted to what these guys thought of as "attractive".
So, how does a man cure neediness? How can he shake it off?
How To Stop Being Needy
1. Use Radical Honesty To Detect It
You need to become strict with yourself. You need to be an empiricist. Empiricism means you look at your results, not at theories, not at what popular culture tells you. Are you getting the results you want with girls, yes or no? If yes, keep doing what you usually do. If not, cut off what doesn't serve you.
Keep numbers, write down your results with women, open a spreadsheet if you want to do it properly. Write down all numbers that matter for your dating life: how many women you approached, how many of them gave you their number, how many went out on a date with you etc. Did acting needy around them serve you? Did chasing them or texting them too much or calling them too much get you the girl? If not, then stop the needy behavior. Stop calling or texting or doing "romantic" gestures because clearly they don't work for you.
Develop radical self-awareness, by paying attention to your rejections. For most men, repeated rejection is what wakes them up: after hitting a wall, not getting what they want, it dawns on them that they were acting in an unattractive way and they start making changes.
2. Talk To Many Women
The opposite of scarcity is abundance. You need to get yourself to adopting an abundance mindset. You can't just think your way to abundance. You MUST take action towards it. Remember, it's your role as a man to take massive action, by approaching multiple women in your everyday life. Play the numbers game. Stop chasing one single girl and open yourself to the broad possibilities that are out there for you with many girls.
Once you put this behavior into your everyday life, you will see that, not one, but MANY girls exist in the world who would be willing to have sex with you or give you the emotions you want or the relationship you want. You don't have to get these things from just one girl that you put in your mind. It doesn't have to be HER. For every girl that doesn't want to talk to you when you approach her or for every girl that doesn't reply to your text, there are literally millions who WOULD, if you just gave them a chance, by getting out of your needy little box.
3. Read
As we said, neediness is a state of the mind, so it only makes sense to try to open your mind up. You do that by taking action, but also by reading. Keep your brain busy with high-quality reading and learning. It's harder for the active mind to be needy. Read self-improvement books, read about women, understand their nature, and adopt masculine behavior to attract them. Read fiction and non-fiction books. Reading will broaden your horizons and give you a better perspective about you as a man, about women, and about the world.
4. Have A Life
Your masculine energy requires you to lead an interesting life. Men are by nature travelers, builders, researchers, creators, warriors, and conquerors. You can't make any single woman the center of your existence. Women are not attracted to men who don't have a rich life outside of them. Girls love men who are passionate about their goals, dreams, and projects and who could hopefully invite them to be part of them. Make girls WANT to be part of your life, by first having one! Don't waste time CONVINCING a girl to have sex with you or to be part of your life. Instead, build your foundations first, then just invite them to be part of your journey.
Conclusion
Neediness is the one thing you need to get rid of, if you want to enjoy a happy and fulfilling dating life with the women you want. Neediness is not just a feeling; it's a mindset and a state of being. Most men waste years of their lives acting needy around women, not understanding that needy behavior is unattractive to women. Society and popular culture encourages neediness in men because it camouflages it as "romanticism". The best ways to stop being needy around girls is to be brutally honest with the results you get with women, to approach multiple girls, to read, and to actually build a rich life with your interests, hobbies, and passions at its heart. And if you want to buy time and do this faster, we are here to guide you and supercharge your results with girls.
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