Want Better Results With Girls? Become More Self-Amused

Knowing what kind of dating life you want and showing clear masculine intent when you approach girls has been something we insist on during our coaching sessions with hundreds of men around the world.

Most men simply don’t know what they want to achieve with women. They are dabblers. They go out aimlessly and they either remain idle, not talking to girls or they half-ass a few approaches here and there without much success. They don’t have a goal, so they have no results.

There is, however, a way to show TOO MUCH masculine intent when you go out to meet girls to the extent that your mood might be ruined because you didn’t get what you wanted.

Being too much focused on the goal of meeting and attracting women can sometimes work against you. It can destroy your mood and make you come off as stiff, outcome dependent, and needy.

Don’t worry. There is a way to prevent this from happening. It’s called self-amusement.

What Is Self-Amusement

Let’s first talk a little bit about what self-amusement is not. When you use something as a means to a specific end, it is the exact opposite of self-amusement. It’s called utilitarian logic.

“Utilitarian” means that you use something as an instrument based on its utility rather than as something with intrinsic value. When you act a certain way just to get something, it is not self-amusement.

• Do you go out at night strictly to meet girls? That’s not self-amusement.

• Do you go out during daytime strictly to approach girls on the street? That’s not self-amusement.

• Do you make your life strictly about women, abandoning all other parts of your life? That’s not self-amusement.

Self-amusement is about recognizing the value of something in itself. It’s reading a book because you genuinely enjoy reading rather than because you are taking exams next week.

It’s about being in the moment instead of having your mind on what to do now in order to get something later.

It’s when you are out wanting to meet women, but you can also enjoy having fun with your friends, laughing your ass out and enjoying your favorite drink.

Enjoying yourself while you are living an experience for the experience itself and not because you need to get something out of it is the essence of self-amusement.

Being self-amused is being intrinsically pleased and in the moment. Being extrinsically pleased only if certain external conditions are met is the exact opposite.

Why Self-Amusement Can Be So Attractive To Girls

A man who is self-amused is a man who relishes the present moment without "ifs", asterisks and conditions. He exudes an energy of innate satisfaction and fulfillment that signals to others that "he is already there". He has everything and he lacks nothing.

Nothing essential is missing. Nothing crucial is required from the external environment that is able to improve his situation significantly. Self-amusement is a strong sign of a man's self-sufficiency.

You are having fun on your own and, as the popular 80s song is saying, "girls just want to have fun".

It can be magnetic to women because this self-amused attitude shows you have a life, that you are a man with a pleasant personality.

Because feelings are contagious, women instinctively know that by meeting you, a self-amused and happy man, will actually have fun with you.

Girls want to drink from the fountain of fun that springs from you. You are a beacon of good, positive, and exciting emotions. Women also tend to instinctively correlate a man's self-amusement with man's strength of character. If you can have fun on your own without any other external requirements, it must mean you are not a soft little boy who loses heart easily when things don't go his way.

It shows outcome independence and an I-don't-give-a-fuck attitude that draws women like moths to a flame. A man who is already FULL and happy is a man who won't burden women with the task of making him happy.

A man who has the balls to show desire towards beautiful women, but who doesn't make them a prerequisite for his happiness? Well, that is a very valuable man for women.

How To Attract Women With Self-Amusement

There are guys out there who will get this wrong. They will start treating self-amusement either as:

• A magic wand that should automatically make women drop dead for them

or

• A full permission to go out and stay idle and do nothing proactive to meet and attract women

Both are wrong and you should not treat self-amusement like that. Self-amusement cannot work as a silver bullet that will solve all your problems with women without you doing anything proactive.

You don't just start using this one thing and women fall on your lap. You STILL need to take massive action, you still need to approach lots of girls on a daily basis, you still need to play the numbers game, you still need to be active and honor your masculine energy.

This is not a free pass on being passive. Self-amusement is meant to be a complementary tool in your masculine toolbox, not THE TOOL. It has to do more with being cool and enjoying your day/night WHILE actually approaching and while remaining active engaging women.

This is not about stopping to act, but about the way you act. It's a form of active outcome independence. You act, but with finesse and a nonchalant attitude rather than in a mechanical and robotic way.

Wrong way to do it: When, for instance, you are out at night with friends, you don't spend your entire night JUST drinking and laughing with your friends, while speaking to no woman at all, expecting that a hot girl will just stumble on you.

Right way to do it: Instead, you drink and laugh with your friends, while also checking your surroundings to see if there are cute girls in sight and you take a break to approach and flirt with her. If she is attracted to you, you take her number to meet her later, while you go back to your friends or you simply invite her then and there to join you.

Conclusion

Being self-amused means that you are having fun in the moment without needing a woman to make you happy. Girls are hugely attracted to self-amused men because they see them as strong, cool masculine personalities and a source of positive, exciting feelings.

However, self-amusement is not a recipe for passivity. It is about doing the thing, while also enjoying the process. Doing the thing, while also enjoying the moment. Doing the thing, but also taking breaks from it to do something else. The opposite of that is going out and just mass approaching every girl you see in a robotic, outcome dependent fashion. Don't do it. Instead, put self-amusement in your masculine repertoire the right way and you will see your results with women significantly improve.

Do you find it hard to be self-amused when you really want to meet women? Don't worry about it. Just book a call with us and we will help you the same way we helped hundreds of men around the world.