There Is No Spoon: Why Your Brain Works Against Your Dating Success

In the film, “The Matrix” there is a deeply symbolic scene for every man who seeks to improve his dating life and his skill in attracting women.

At first glance, this scene has nothing to do with flirting or approaching girls, but it has everything to do with how your brain works in general but also regarding women.

Nio, the protagonist of the film portrayed by Keanu Reeves *spoiler alert* visits the Oracle in order to know whether he is The One who would destroy the Matrix and ultimately liberate humanity from the shackles of a fake, virtual reality.

Other charismatic people and candidates are waiting their turn to see the Oracle for the same reason, wanting to know if themselves are the “chosen ones”.

A young, bald boy dressed like a Buddhist monk gets Nio’s attention because he does something truly unique: he manages to bend the spoon not by touching it, but by just looking at it and mentally focusing his attention to it. As Nio watches what seemed to be miraculous, he approaches the child, takes the spoon, and tries to bend it himself.

Then, the child breaking his stoic silence tells him: “Don’t try to bend the spoon. It’s impossible. Just try to see the truth”.

“What truth?”, Nio asks.

“There is no spoon”, the boy replies.

Your Mind, Your Enemy

Whether you believe you can achieve something or not, you are right.

Do you believe you can become better in flirting and attracting women?

If yes, then this is your truth.

Do you believe you actually can’t improve your skill with women and that this attracting-women-thing is just too hard? Then, this is again your truth.

If you think girls don’t like you, it’s correct.

If you think you are the best thing happened to womankind since sliced bread, it’s also correct.

What is true is whatever you choose to believe.

There is no such thing as objective reality, only your perception of it.

There is no spoon, only what you make out of it.

Just remember:

• That Friday night you chose to stay home, eat pizza, and watch Netflix instead of actually going out to meet and interact with the girls you want

• That homework you had to finish but chose to procrastinate until the bitter end of your deadline instead of actually getting done with it then and there

• That time you were walking down the street and let the gorgeous blond/brunette/redhair pass you by instead of just cold approaching her, talking to her and inviting her out

What is the common element of all these occasions?

In each one of these cases, your brain stopped you from acting.

Your brain turned against you doing something seemingly uncomfortable, but essentially good for you. Something that seemed unpleasant, but designed to get you to your next level of personal growth, that is the common element of these occasions.

And do you know why it did that?

The Monkey Brain Doesn’t Want You To Succeed With Women

Because your brain is basically primitive.

Its purpose and function is to protect you against real or perceived dangers.

When our ancestors lived in the wild nature, their brain was always alert for potential risks to anything that could threaten their physical integrity: a wild animal, an enemy from another tribe or just bad weather conditions.

While in the modern era we live we are not threatened by mammoths, your fight-or-flight brain mechanism can be activated by non-physical triggers, such as the fear of being rejected by a group or your charms being blocked by the very women you so much desire.

Whether against a mammoth or a girl’s rejection….your monkey brain reacts the same because it CANNOT distinguish between those two.

Physical harm or psychological harm, real or perceived, is more than enough to get your brain to lock you into a defensive, fearful stance.

…and who is the loser of this primitive “malfunction”? You guessed correctly…. YOU.

Simply put, the monkey brain is irrationally sensitive and is ready to overreact against anything that might harm your ego.

It activates fear of action because it wants to protect you from “getting hurt”.

Analysis paralysis and approach anxiety are the most common ways your monkey brain prevents you from getting the women you want.

But why, you might ask.

Because your brain wants you to survive, not thrive.

If you want to thrive, you must learn how to do so against your brain’s natural, knee-jerk reactions.

If you truly want to become a better man,

if you really want to be able to meet and attract the women of your choice,

if you indeed believe that there can be a happier and more abundant dating life for you, then there is no way around it: you MUST train your brain to act differently.

Men of Charm, is dedicated to teach you exactly how, so stick with us.

We have been through this process ourselves, and we are here to help you do the same.

If you are reading this, it means you are in the right place and you are starting your dating success journey strong.

And every time your brain tries to cripple you with fear,

every time it invents reasons about why you shouldn’t talk to that beautiful girl on the street,

every time it tells you “there is a spoon” just remember… There is no spoon.