She Is Not Your Mother And She Doesn’t Want To Be One

There is a lot of talk these days about how amazing it is for men to show vulnerability in their interactions with women. It is almost becoming the common orthodoxy of our times that men become more attractive to women when they become vulnerable.

Partly, this idea has become popular as a reaction to stereotypical, red-pill, macho type of masculinity and partly as a reaction to world-wide news about women being sexually harassed in various industries and professional environments, particularly in show biz.

These are pretty valid and understandable reasons why the “show emotional vulnerability” advice is circulated around the internet, but does showing vulnerability turn you indeed into a more attractive man? Do women really dig men who show some more emotion?

The answer is yes and no. Let’s examine this more closely.

Emotional Vulnerability Or Emotional Weakness?

There are many ways this “be more vulnerable” line can turn really wrong when men apply it in their interactions with women. They do things to supposedly show vulnerability because they think this will attract women, but they end up scratching their head when women reject them instead.

This is why you need to distinguish between showing vulnerability to women and becoming emotionally weak to women.

The difference between showing vulnerability and becoming emotionally weak in front of women lies in your attitude and behavior.

Vulnerability is the willingness to open up and express your true feelings, in a genuine and authentic manner. Emotional weakness, however, means that you are unable to control your emotions and you tend to become overly dependent and needy towards women.

Showing vulnerability can be good when it comes to attracting women because it demonstrates confidence, honesty, and emotional intelligence. It shows that you are not Mr. Perfect who is flawless, but a real human being; relatable and familiar.

Women might say left and right that they seek Mr. Perfect, but in truth they couldn’t handle him, even if they got him. Perfection feels distant and cold, and women are attracted to men who are secure in themselves and their emotions and who are willing to be open and honest about their vulnerabilities, especially when they want to keep men in their lives as boyfriends or long-term partners. By showing vulnerability, you can build trust and emotional intimacy with the women you like, which is crucial for building healthy and long-lasting relationships, if you so choose.

Remember, though, that showing healthy amounts of vulnerability shouldn’t really be your focus when you first meet a woman. During the initial phases of courting and flirting with girls you need to place more emphasis on being a sexual, intriguing man, and only after you got them hooked should you care about being “more vulnerable”. Attraction comes first, comfort and relatability come later.

On the other hand, becoming emotionally weak in front of women is a major turn-off because it demonstrates you lack confidence and emotional stability. Being emotionally relatable to women doesn’t mean you are an emotional mess in front them.

You don’t unravel yourself emotionally in front of a woman that you either want to have sex with or you are already having sex with. You are not supposed to reveal every aspect of your psyche to women, if you really want to keep them sexually attracted to you.

When men become overly emotional and clingy towards women, it can make women feel uncomfortable and suffocated, leading them to distance themselves from them – and for a good reason.

Since you now know the difference between showing vulnerability in an attractive way and being an emotional little bitch that scares women away, let’s see some examples.

Examples Of Attractive Vulnerability

1. Expressing Genuine Feelings: A man who can openly and honestly express his feelings without fear of judgment or rejection demonstrates emotional intelligence and vulnerability. For example, a man who tells a girl in a cool, collected manner that he is feeling anxious about a job interview shows vulnerability, without losing his masculine power. You admit verbally your anxiety, but you do not overstate it emotionally.

2. Active Listening And Empathy: A man who actively listens to a woman, validates her emotions, and responds with empathy demonstrates emotional intelligence and understanding. For example, a man who listens attentively when she is upset and responds with comforting words or actions without jumping to offer SOLUTIONS, demonstrates empathy and emotional intelligence. Girls want to be heard and understood more than they want to receive solutions.

3. Accepting Responsibility And Accountability: A man who takes responsibility for his actions and apologizes when he truly makes a mistake, again in cool, calm and masculine way, demonstrates emotional intelligence and vulnerability. For example, a man who apologizes to a girl after a disagreement, takes responsibility for his part in the argument, and shows a willingness to work on the issue with her demonstrates accountability and emotional maturity.

Examples Of Unattractive Emotional Weakness

1. Revealing Fears And Insecurities: Putting ALL your fears and insecurities in front of girls is a surefire way to make them lose attraction for you. Some men like to treat girls, especially those who kept hanging around with them after sex, as if they were Oprah. Deep soul searching and expression of fears and insecurities in front of women is NOT attractive. You should do all this self-analysis by yourself, not when you are with a girl you are having sex with. If you want to keep having sex with her, that is.

2. Crying: You will meet women in your life that will SWEAR to you that men who cry are so “hot” and that men who cry are so “sexy” and things of that nature. We have coached many men that got depressed when such and such girl actually distanced herself from them and became cold and unresponsive when these men actually took this “girl preference” for crying men too seriously. Don’t do it. Crying makes you look weak and out of control, and women, no matter what they SAY, they are by nature designed to be attracted by mental toughness and emotional strength, not by emotional weakness.

3. Neediness And Clinginess: A man who becomes overly dependent on women for emotional support, attention, and validation demonstrates emotional weakness. For example, a man who constantly texts a girl, asking for reassurance and attention, or who becomes jealous and possessive when she spends time with friends, shows neediness and emotional weakness.

4. Passive-Aggressiveness: A man who uses passive-aggressive behavior, such as sarcasm or silent treatment, to express his emotions and avoid confrontation demonstrates emotional weakness. For example, a man who gives women the silent treatment instead of expressing his feelings directly or who makes sarcastic comments instead of addressing the issue shows emotional weakness and immaturity.

5. Lack of Emotional Control: A man who cannot control his emotions and becomes easily angered or upset demonstrates emotional weakness. For example, a man who yells or throws things when he is upset or who shuts down emotionally when faced with a difficult situation shows a lack of emotional regulation and maturity.

How To Avoid Being Emotionally Weak

To avoid being emotionally weak with women, you need to focus on your own personal growth and development. You need to work on developing your emotional intelligence, regulating your emotions, and building a sense of independence and self-confidence.

You can do this by:

• Seeking coaching or counseling with men who already were where you are now

• Detecting your inner weak spots and HEAL them before you go out and approach women

• Having strong ties with your family and friends

• Build a strong support network

• Putting in energy to your dreams, projects, and hobbies

• Taking action to get what you want with women and in life in general

• Having a healthy love for yourself first

• Taking care of your mind and body

• Cultivating a more interesting and engaging masculine personality

If you don’t do these things, you will simply end up ruining one opportunity after another and live an unfulfilling dating life.

Just remember that women don’t want to be mothers to the men they date and have sex with. Women want to be lovers and partners with men who can hold their own emotionally and have a sense of independence.

A strong man is someone who has done the inner work on himself and is emotionally mature, self-aware, and confident. These men are not looking for someone to take care of them, but rather a woman to enjoy sexually and can potentially add greater value in their lives.

Girls are not emotional tampons for your childhood traumas. Girls like to be with men who are not emotional walls, who are human, and who have a soul, but they never liked to be around emotionally weak men.

Emotional weakness dries women’s vaginas faster than you think because a man who is emotionally weak and reliant on women for validation and support can quickly become a burden, draining the energy and resources of his partner.

Conclusion

Every man has his moments of vulnerability and emotional weakness from time to time. What's important is how you respond to these moments and whether you are willing to work on your emotional intelligence and regulation.

What’s crucial here is to recognize that vulnerability and emotional weakness are not the same thing. Vulnerability is a sign of strength and emotional maturity. It’s about having imperfections and therefore being relatable to women. Emotional weakness, though, is a sign of insecurity and immaturity. By learning to express your vulnerabilities in a healthy and authentic way, while keeping your masculine composure intact, you can become more attractive and desirable to women.

Do you have trouble showing vulnerability in an attractive way towards women? Take action. Book a coaching call with us.