Lover Or Provider? Choose Your Destiny
I am sure you got tired of hearing how "complicated" or "incomprehensible" girls are. Apart from reproducing stereotypes, such characterizations are useless to you because they don't help you improve your skills in meeting and attracting women.
They do, nonetheless, have an element of truth: in the mating game female desires are more complicated than male desires.
While an impressive bust or a well-shaped round ass would be more than enough for you to have sex with a girl, she would need more than just your appearance to warm up to hot sex with you.
It is exactly for these "extra" skills you need as a man that you are reading this, and we are here to help you.
What Women Want
Men fall in love through their eyes, women fall in love through their ears, they say. The male attraction mechanism differs from the female one.
You need visual stimuli.
She needs cerebral stimuli in the form of verbal and non-verbal communication.
Game, after all, is nothing more than your concerted attempt to project your strong masculine points of your personality, so as to conquer her mind, then her body.
Exactly because a woman is attracted through her mind, her desires are more nuanced and more differentiated than yours.
A woman wants to feel ideally at the same time:
sexually attractive and desired – a source of pleasure
emotional security and familiarity
appreciated and understood as a human being with her positive and negative aspects
In turn, these needs she has correspond to certain expectations from men.
A woman expects:
to fall to bed exhausted from multiple, strong orgasms
to feel the warmth and strength of a man's embrace
to share thoughts and feelings on a purely human level
Three Female Expectations, Three Male Roles
Each of the above expectations women have is satisfied by a different male role.
The expectation to feel that she is the object of desire and the receiver of good sex is satisfied by the role of the lover.
The expectation to feel emotional security is satisfied by the role of the provider.
And the expectation to be accepted as normal human beings is satisfied by the role of the friend.
We are not going to deal with the role of the friend here. Most men seem to be naturals in friend zoning themselves with women, so no explanation needed for this one.
Let's see who the lover is, though.
The Lover
He is unequivocally sexual He is in good terms with his masculine sexuality. He fully embraces his erotic desires. He knows he has a dick and has no appetite to hide it every time he interacts with girls. He defines himself primarily through his sexual side rather than his social or professional identity. For this reason he is also very good in penetrating through women's own social and professional veil. He treats them as wonderful objects of desire, each one with her own particularities. He attempts to enjoy them as such.
He communicates non-verbally rather than verbally with women He has understood that human communication and especially mating communication is by far non-verbal in nature, so he uses it with women. He pierces her with his eye contact from the get-go. He doesn't hesitate to touch her discretely. He closes or opens the distance with her depending on her behavior. If she is warm with him, he turns his body fully to her. If she is cold, he turns his body and keeps his distance. He keeps his body straight, he doesn't bow in his effort to hear her better. He keeps his position until she speaks louder or she comes closer to him.
He uses interesting verbal communication When he talks to her he doesn't monopolize the conversation. He talks 30% of the time and lets her do the rest. He doesn't give full answers when she asks him something. He is creatively evasive. He lets the woman be curious about him. He doesn't waste time exchanging facts. He adds "spice" to everything he says. He leads her to tell him her deepest motives and tastes. He is not linear, but pleasantly unpredictable.
He abundantly uses cocky, playful humor He dares to get a woman out of her comfort zone. He teases her. He makes her appear as the chaser, the one who flirts with him. He takes risks, leading her to the point of being insulted only to masterfully bring her back with a light compliment and a playful wink. He humorously plays with her imperfections. He is hot and cold. He sometimes treats her like his younger sister.
He is outcome independent He wants her, but he doesn't need her. He desires her, but he can as well do without her. He lives his life in abundance. He knows there are innumerable beautiful and pleasant women to enjoy. He does not attach his well-being to any specific woman.
He has an edge in his fashion He is aware that first impressions can be very strong and uses this truth to his advantage. He takes care of his fashion and makes sure it embodies the "lover vibe". He doesn't wear his high school clothes. No matter his fashion style, he knows his body and wears clothes that fit perfectly on his it. He doesn't wear shirts, pants or t-shirts two sizes bigger. He chooses slim fit no matter his body type. He has the confidence to wear intense colors that create contrast.
Fun Fact: According to research, men who wear black subconsciously try to "hide" from the world, while those who wear color (especially intense) want to open up to the world and have stronger self-esteem.
Can All Men Become Lovers?
Most men when they are presented with the lover description get defensive.
This "lover thing" is not for me, they think to themselves.
It seems "too risky" or "too hard" for them.
"This is not who I am", they say.
Other times, we heard some of them push back by saying:
"but I want a relationship", thus implying that the lover type is inherently contradictory with their wish to find a woman for a relationship instead, say, for just a one night stand.
But we are here to tell you that all these beliefs are false and reduce your chances to build the dating life you want with the women you want.
It doesn't matter how you define yourself.
And it doesn't matter if you want a harem of women in your life, a serious relationship or to find the mother of your children...
Being the "lover" is the best thing you can do both for your dating happiness AND hers.
When you are the lover in women's lives you have more optionality to take things wherever you wish and also you have much higher chances to give her an overall amazing experience.
We are here to tell you to strive for the lover role.
It is an investment with huge ROI if you stick with it.
In our next post, you will learn who the "provider" is and why it wouldn't really serve you to be one.
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