If You Don’t Have The Women You Want, It’s Your Fault

Taking full responsibility for your dating life is probably the single most difficult and at the same time the single most important thing you can do for yourself as a man.

You read correctly. It's your fault, if you don't have the women you want in your bed and in your life.

What is the default state of most men out there when it comes to sex, dating, and women? Leaving these things to chance, waiting for a miracle to happen, expecting for the Universe to conspire and bring them hot girls to their beds.

Someone in their family, usually a mother or an aunt, might have sometime said something along the lines of "these things (i.e. romantic/dating stuff) are just a matter of luck!".

"These things just happen!". And these guys took these platitudes as big pieces of advice and made their dating lives about "waiting" and "expecting" instead of taking them for what they really were: societal crap that have nothing to do with their happiness as men in the modern world.

At best, thinking that your love life with girls is a matter of luck doesn't work.

At worst, it reverses your role in the dating game: remember "waiting" is women's strategy to find lovers and boyfriends, not men's.

Let us put this as clearly and plainly as possible:

There is no Big Plan for your romantic happiness.

There is no Grand Scheme

Things will not work out just fine.

The Universe doesn't care about what YOU WANT.

It only cares about what YOU DO to get what you want.

Are you moving towards your desires or are you just day dreaming?

Do you actively seek to fulfill your wishes or are you sucking your thumb?

What are you planning to do today to come closer to your desired dating life?

Are you going to leave the house and approach the girls you want?

If you read these words and you feel slightly angry or if you disagree with them, chances are you are guilty of being passive instead of active in the dating game.

You might even suffer from victim mentality, believing you are a victim of circumstance. You might even find yourself comparing your results with those of other men, thinking that "it's not fair" that you don't have the women you want, while other men do.

What You Control And What You Don’t Control With Women

In the legal series “Suits”, Season 1, Episode 2, "Errors and Omissions",

Harvey Specter, the leading alpha male character of the show talks with his law firm partner, Mike:

Mike: Yeah. Look, this is not my fault, all right? Louis made me do it.

Harvey: Louis did, right. He put a gun to your head and made you smoke pot.

Mike: Yeah, he did. He pulled out the drug test—which I failed, by the way—and then he told me that if I didn't smoke pot to help him land this new client, that he'd fire me.

Mike: Come on. It's not so different than asking someone out for drinks, is it?

Harvey: You and I had a deal.

Mike: I'm sorry.

Harvey: And if next time Louis asks you to do something that I told you not to do, what then?

Mike: I told you that I did not have a choice.

Harvey: Oh, because he had a gun to your head.

Mike: Yes!

Harvey: What are your choices if someone puts a gun to your head?

Mike: What are you talking about? You do what they say or they shoot you.

Harvey: Wrong. You take the gun, or you pull out a bigger one, or you call their bluff. Or you do any one of 146 other things. If you can't think for yourself, maybe you aren't cut out for this.

Quite revealing, right?

Men who are successful with women have completely different ideas about control in their dating lives.

Unsuccessful men who are in waiting mode think they have very limited, if any, influence over their dating lives with women. Just like Mike who in this case was trapped in a pseudo-dilemma and felt powerless, men who don't have the girls they want feel incapable of doing something meaningful to change their situation.

A woman’s mood is not primarily your responsibility. You can’t control all women’s moods at all times.

Α woman's sexual availability is not primarily something you can control either.

But could you maybe influence it a little with good game, a masculine attitude a direct compliment?

But even if you did that and didn’t work, could you just smile at her, wave her goodbye and simply move on to approach other women?

Could you improve you verbal game or the way you dress?

Could you possibly use rejection as a reason to exercise outcome independence?

We bet you could.

Because even for the things you don’t control in dating and women, you still have the ability to adopt the right attitude and become a better, stronger, sexier man.

And even when you get there, many women might still not want to do anything with you.

But if you think like Harvey, you wouldn’t care because you would have 146 other things to do when things get tough.