Can't Get Her Out Of Your Mind? 3 Ways To Actually Do It

Unless you were born under the name "Don Joan", you must have experienced it many times in your journey as a man, especially during your teens and early years of adulthood: the persistent feeling of thinking obsessively about a specific girl that you like. She might be part of a social group you belong to, she might be a co-student of yours in school or college, or you might work with her in the same job. In rare cases, she might even be a really beautiful girl you don't know at all, a girl you saw somewhere and after that her image got deep in your mind and never escaped it.

What Is Oneitis And How To Know You Suffer From It

It comes from the word "one" and the Greek suffix "-itis" which describes a condition or illness. In this case, It's indeed like a childhood illness for men. It's about obsessing about one single girl, spending time, but most importantly psychological and emotional energy on a specific woman.

You know you have it when:

• You fantasize about her

• You listen to songs that remind you of her

• You make plans in your head with her

• You find yourself orchestrating your next "big move" or "grand gesture" for her

• You do things like planning how to surprise her by sending her a gift or flowers for her birthday

• You keep everything she says in your mind to somehow "use" it at some point to show her how thoughtful and how caring you are

• You happily keep yourself in the friend zone, thinking that this will help you "win her over"

• You are scared to minimize or cut contact with her, believing that you will thus "lose your chance" with her

• You text her often and find yourself having small talk with her

• You believe it's only a "matter of time" before you and her end up together as a couple, in spite of the many facts for the contrary

• You talk to everyone you know about her

• You bug your friends, asking for advice about how to win her over or asking about your next move with her

• You find yourself adopting metaphysical thoughts about you and her, about how it is "meant" to happen between you and her, about you and her being "soul mates" etc.

The Two Forms Of Oneitis

There are two forms of oneitis, one is worse than the other and also harder to overcome.

• Oneitis with a girl you didn't even have sex

• Oneitis with a girl you did have sex

For most men oneitis happens with a girl they didn't even have sex with. This is why this form of oneitis is comparatively harder to overcome; the idea that you didn't have sex with her makes you want to have sex with her, it gives you a motive to keep chasing her. Men who suffer from this type of oneitis are typically younger men who are beginners with women, usually in their twenties, but it can also affect older guys who started their self-improvement journey as men later in their life, in their early thirties.

The second type of oneitis is milder because in this case a man is already attractive enough and has some successes with women already, otherwise he wouldn't have managed to bed the girl in the first place. The kind of men who keep thinking about a girl after they had sex with her are usually intermediate-level guys who are somewhat good in attracting girls, but not the really hot ones they actually desire. So, when such a girl lands on their bed they can't stop thinking about her because in their eyes she is prettier than what they have been getting up to that point.

Why It Is So Hard To Get Rid Of Oneitis

When you have oneitis it's like being under a spell. It is almost like your brain was infiltrated by a virus. Your thoughts, your feelings, your energy, your entire existence are hijacked by this one girl and the possibility of you and her ending up together. Anything outside of her, let alone any thought about another girl, seems pointless to you. Oneitis makes a whole bunch of false ideas and assumptions seem real in your brain. It feels so true. But why, you may ask. Why does it feel so real?

There are two reasons why oneitis feels such an unshakeable reality to many men who suffer from it.

A. Our modern-day culture encourages oneitis. Everywhere you look, be it a movie or a lifestyle magazine or a book, oneitis is not only presented as normal, but as romantic as well. Entire generations of men grew up with the image of a beta male chasing a reluctant woman, sending her flowers, appearing out of the blue at her work, calling her every day, and kneeling before her to propose. It's only natural for men, especially younger ones, to have a hard time getting rid of oneitis if everything and everyone around them screams in favor of it. They don't tell you that spreading your energy among many different women is normal. They tell you that dedicating your energy to one single girl is.

B. Most men who are afflicted by oneitis are men whose dating lives are characterized by scarcity. When you live in scarcity it is very hard to get rid of oneitis simply because this is your only possible reality. It's like living in a tunnel without being able to see the way out. You don't have other options with other women, so this one girl becomes your only reality. Anything out of it seems unattainable to you.

So, we established it is hard to get done with it, but that doesn't mean it's impossible.

3 Ways To Stop Thinking About Her

1. Focus On Your Mission

As a man you need to have a life beyond women. A mission is the reason you wake up in the morning. It is your big "why". It is your big core value that makes your personality different. What are you about? Are you about material abundance? Are you about freedom? Are you about cooperation and collective action? Do you wish to serve a higher purpose? If yes, what is it? It is ok if you are a younger man and haven't figured out your mission yet. This, however, is not an excuse to allow yourself to suffer from oneitis. If the word "mission" sounds too big for you now, try to replace it with something more familiar and less demanding.

2. Spend Energy And Time In Your Hobbies And Activities

...which brings us to the second way to stop thinking about a specific girl. Spend time doing activities that nourish you. Activities and hobbies that are in accordance with your skills and talents. Women don't like guys who have no life. Women are attracted to men who have many interests, who are excited about their lives and who are out living them. Invest in yourself. Read. Travel. Write. Watch informative content. Learn public speaking. Learn new languages. Play sports. Be a renaissance man. Women in general, let alone any specific woman, should be the icing on your cake. Not the cake itself.

3. Talk To Many Girls

Even if you can't implement the other two ways, this is a must, and it will do all the difference in the world for your dating life as a modern man. The only reliable cure for oneitis is to let your masculine energy spread elsewhere, beyond this one specific girl. Remember there are four billion women in the planet. Does it seem logical to you to spend so much energy in just one of them? It is absurd, isn't it? Go out and approach many girls. Do it consistently and do it effectively. You will be shocked to see how many pretty women are out there and are willing to meet you. Drop the ways of the beta male and adopt the ways of the alpha or the sigma male. When you start talking to other women, some of them will go out on a date with you and a few will gladly have sex with you. When you start having sex consistently with other girls, your mind will move away from that one single girl that has haunted you for so long.

So, there you go, you now know what oneitis is and how to deal with it. If you deeply understand where oneitis is coming from and why it is so detrimental to your dating life with women, you will also feel the urge to end it once and for all. We can get you there faster, once you decide that oneitis isn't doing you any good.