Attraction Or Comfort: What Is More Important To Become Better With Women?

It’s an old-time classic dilemma which nonetheless remains ever topical.

As a man who wants to become better in getting girls and building an abundant dating life, should you focus on being more attractive to women or should you invest your energy in becoming a more relatable man?

Do you become successful with women when you learn how to attract them or when you learn how to make them feel comfortable around you?

Should you aim to generate excitement or trust? Attraction or familiarity?

The answer might be different for different types of men, but based on our decade-long experience in coaching men and helping them getting the dating lives that they want, we lean towards attraction as being more important than comfort.

But first let’s define “important”. Who says what’s important or not in dating as a modern man? How do we define what is significant and what not in the process of having the women we want in our beds and lives?

Results. That’s what defines what is important or not in dating. It’s what works that makes something important or not; not anyone’s theory; not anyone’s opinion. It’s whether by being something or doing something leads you to the desired situation with women or not.

Why Comfort Can’t Be Your Main Strategy

Over the years, interacting with hundreds of men, we detected three basic reasons why lack of relatability is not most men’s problem in getting girls.

1. Most Men Are Already Relatable

In fact, most men’s problem is that they are TOO relatable. They already know how to make the girl comfortable. They are already too much nice guys. They are already too caring, too sensitive, and too much far away from their masculine core. They don’t behave as edgy, interesting guys with a strong personality that attracts girls.

They don’t behave like lovers, but rather like friends or boyfriend candidates. Most men’s problem is that they fail to spark attraction in a woman’s heart and mind by being too ordinary and too predictable. They avoid taking little risks with girls and they remain stuck in their comfort zone. But girls can’t feel attraction for a man who can’t get out of the ordinary. A man who doesn’t present himself as attractive and masculine.

• You can’t get girls if you don’t approach them.

• You can’t get girls if you wear your high-school clothes.

• You can’t get girls by being boring, weak or super “civilized”.

• You can’t get girls by caring too much about their opinion of you.

• You can’t get girls by showering them with niceties and compliments.

• You can’t get girls by small talk.

• You can’t get girls by talking about her job and bombarding her with questions.

2. Relatability Can’t Be Seen During The First Moments

Even if you wanted to be presented as relatable first and only later as attractive, you couldn’t really do it. Why? Because during the first moments you interact with her comfort can’t be expressed. Comfort is always seen much later and it requires much more time.

During the first moments all that matters is:

• How you look like

• How you look at her

• What are your general mannerisms

• And a little bit later: how you touch her

That’s it. Nothing more complicated than that can be seen by the girl until much later.

3. Relatability Is Not One-Size-Fits-All

Another reason why you shouldn’t start with relatability is that there is no one-size way to be relatable to ALL women. Relatability is different for different types of girls: to be relatable to the hipster girl is not the same as being relatable to the business, high-heel girl. You can’t be relatable to everyone, so you can’t make relatability and comfort your main strategy.

Your strategy should be to become as attractive as possible to as many beautiful women as possible. You need to become a broadly attractive, a broadly masculine man, not try to fit in every possible girl type.

Focusing On Attraction Is 80% Of Dating Success

So, the big part of the process of meeting women and making them want to choose you for sex or/and relationships is attraction. In fact, it’s 80% of your dating success as a man. After you conquer this 80%, sure go on and start worrying about the remaining 20%. But not earlier than that.

After you reach that peak of attraction, you are going to see diminishing returns, sure. You are going to see that after a point becoming even more attractive, more masculine or more exciting won’t really get you more results. When you reach that level, go on and worry about your relatability.

This doesn’t mean you should ignore the other 20% completely. It just means you need to treat it like the 20% and not like the 80%. Master 80% of the dating process FIRST, then you will think about the remaining 20%.

Do you have problem in becoming a more attractive man? Do you find obstacles in getting the girls you want? Take action. Book a coaching call with us.