3 Fears Men Have That Fuel Their Approach Anxiety

Men get often stuck in passive mode when it comes to their dating lives. They become the worst enemies of themselves when they want to attract beautiful women, but do nothing important about it.

They see a cute girl, and while they would like to have her in their bed and maybe in their life, they freeze. They let her pass them by and they go back to their lonely life. Another time, they think to themselves, while in reality this "other time" never comes.

When you catch yourself wanting to meet a girl, but failing to act upon your desire it means you suffer from approach anxiety. Whether consciously or unconsciously, you invent a series of excuses to justify your inaction. The problem is life is not waiting. Time is not waiting. You only have one life to live and it's up to you to make the best out of it.

So, where does approach anxiety come from? Having coached hundreds of men around the world for more than a decade, we found out there are three reasons why men suffer from approach anxiety when it comes to meeting girls.

In fact, we are talking about three fears men have that cause their approach anxiety.

1. Fear Of Failure

This is the most obvious fear that keeps men idle when it comes to approaching and meeting the women they want.

• What if I go for what I want and NOT get it?

• What if I cold approach a woman on the street and she passes me by like I do not exist?

• What if I go talk to that hot woman across the bar and she rejects me?

Fear of failure is all about fearing loss. Men who freeze in front of a beautiful woman and do nothing productive to meet her are actually men who play the dating game NOT to lose instead of to win. The idea of losing something by approaching the women they like causes them more pain than the pleasure they would feel if they were successful in bringing these women into their life. The pain of defeat is for them greater than the joy of victory.

And yet the most successful lovers of women are those who put the joy of victory above the pain of defeat. These men think differently; they focus on the good feelings they would get when a beautiful girl is next to them in their bed or at their arm, not on the possible obstacles to getting there. They have a positive outlook about approaching girls. They are able to visualize their success with them. And if they don't get the girl? Well, they know they will find other girls down the road, more beautiful and more interested in them.

They have the confidence to know that just because some girls reject them doesn't mean that ALL girls will. They live in abundance and don't put any single result with any single girl on a pedestal. They focus on the bigger picture which is to win the "war", not paying too much attention to losing a few "battles" from time to time along the way.

2. Fear Of Success

It might sound absurd, but it exists. You might wonder how is it possible to be scared of being successful? But I want the girl! I would really like to get laid with hot girls. I really want to have a girlfriend. How is it possible to tell me that I am afraid of actually getting the girl?

Yes, it's totally possible to SAY that you want to get girls and ACT on the exact opposite direction at the same time. Your conscious self says he wants girls. Your unconscious self sabotages you, keeping you at the same place.

Why is this happening? Why this inner conflict? Simple. Because you don't feel worthy of what you want. You don't think you deserve your desires. You want more girls in your life. You want more choice in your dating life, but you don't believe you deserve to get it.

You say you want the Ferrari, but you feel insecure about actually getting it.

• What if I get the Ferrari and not be able to drive it?

• What if I get the hot girl and not be able to keep her?

• What if I get the beautiful woman, but she sees "the real insecure me" and leaves me?

• Am I prepared to handle it?

3. Fear Of Identity Change

Friends don't come with success. You might have seen it with your life or with the life of others. You evolve from something to something else, you move up the ladder, you become better in something, and to your surprise you see people whom you considered friends drop off the radar.

They stop calling you or hanging around with you. Why does this happen? It happens because people even those you consider really close, even those you consider family, are human beings who relate to others based on familiarity.

People liked you when you were a nice guy with girls, but now that you are becoming a great seducer of women they can't relate to you. They remained stuck in their own situation, but you moved on. You became unfamiliar. You became something else. And they got used to how you were. They don't feel comfortable around your brand new YOU.

• So, what will others think of me when I get what I want?

• What will getting the girl I want say about me?

• Will my identity be challenged?

• Will this make me a playboy?

Approaching and getting the girls you really like now presents itself as a danger for your identity and consequently for those around you who want you a certain way, but are not ready to accept any identity change on your part. If you are not going to be a loser anymore, the psychological reward of being one will evaporate.

Maybe you got a slight pleasure out of being a loser with girls. Maybe this made you feel like a victim worth of the pity of others. If you actually start attracting girls, you will lose this "benefit". Friends and family might be alienated from you, and who wants to be alone and unaccepted by others, right?

Conclusion

You will not get good with women unless you understand yourself very well. You need to become self-aware. You need to see beyond the surface and get insight on your motives and fears.

Many men suffer from approach anxiety. They see a girl they like, but fail to act. They end up missing one opportunity after another and they remain stuck in the same unfulfilling phase in their dating life. Three fears stop men from approaching the women they want: fear of failure, fear of success, and fear of identity change.

Do you need help facing your own fears? Do you want to overcome your approach anxiety and get the dating life that you want and deserve? Take action. Book a coaching call with us.